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Lobster Customers or Soul Mates?

Larry Milbourne

By Larry Milbourne

Writers Beyond Writing
24.09.2015 09:50


Once my client asked me to write an essay in the form of a research paper with the elements of a case study and critical review. And I told him that I couldn't do the job because my sister is a ballet dancer and the weather was quite fine that day.



I bet every freelance academic writer has had such a situation when the only thing they want to do for a client is to take something heavy and, you know, patiently explain the difference between adequate tasks and mission impossible. And if they still stick to their story, I think Tom Cruise may not refuse to earn some extra money. After all, the economic situation nowadays is not perfect.


But that’s not the point. Customers, however, are my point today. I’ve divided them into categories by their typical features and demands.


WARNING: this classification is highly subjective! But I’m sure that most of you have met such characters and you’ll definitely find the common ground at some points.


So, here they are: the typical clients of freelance academic writers.


Soul Mate 

Not all clients are bad. Some of them are really friendly and cheerful and after working with them you have a nice afterglow that will definitely motivate you to repeat the deal with this person. Such clients understand you completely and you agree upon all the points. Real soul mates, aren’t they? People like this inspire you to love your work and the sun starts shining brightly and the things are going great indeed.


Master Yoda 

Very often you can actually learn something from your clients because they don’t just tell you you’re wrong, they explain you why. This is a very rare species nowadays as people tend to hurry all the time and they just don’t have time to mentor the contractors. But if you had such an opportunity to be mentored by a client that really knows something and is eager to share, consider yourself lucky! Master Yoda pays attention only to the chosen ones.


Santa Claus 

Clients that like paying bonuses and praising your work are the sweetest ones. What can be better for a freelance academic writer than a token of appreciation in the form of an extra pay from your client because you did a good job? Some of our enthusiasts, like superwriter, even got paid twice for one project. I think they were really good kids throughout the year and if you behave yourself too, you’ll definitely get your own Santa Claus!


Phoebe Buffay


Customer: “You know, I need an essay.”
You: “What kind of essay?”
Customer: “Actually, I don’t know … Just an essay.”
You: “Okay, let’s return to this later. Topic? and how much words do you need?”
Customer: “Well, something global and words … enough to cover the topic.”
You: “Can you be more specific?”
Customer: “Well, something global concerning our world and way of living with the necessary number of words.”
You: “ … ”


Hard as it may be for me to admit, most clients are not that good and have their own pitfalls. Customers of Phoebe Buffay type are really strange and you often get confused while communicating with them because they don’t know what they want or what they need. Sounds familiar? Hell yes.


Professor Snape 

So, here goes the fun. You have your order and extremely tight deadlines. When you miraculously manage to do everything on time (and should get a Nobel Prize for that) taking into account all the requirements, you find out that you actually did everything wrong. In fact, you are not a writer at all and a college freshman with even less time could do much better. And you like “After all this time … ” and Snape like “Always”. But that’s not the funniest part. Sometimes freelance academic writers can find themselves in danger! Apart from being “a bad writer”, in the past three years ryangillam got four death threats from his clients. Well, guys, I think we must get some critical work allowance!


The Joker

Some of the clients understand the word “freelancer”, especially the part “free”, too literally. How many times have freelance academic writers been ripped off and not paid at all for the done work? It happens too often to finally become a pattern. The Joker clients just love to ignore your payment requests or pretend that they don’t know what you are talking about. So, my dear friends, next time you meet such a client, make sure the whole Internet community knows him/her too. We live at the time when online reputation really matters and the word of mouth tends to spread very fast. Keep that in mind!


So, do any of these typical clients ring a bell for you? I’m sure they do. Good customers or bad customers are parts of freelancer’s daily life and you just can’t get away from this. But you must keep your head up because you are a freelance academic writer. That means that you can perceive, process and write about anything in the world and there is no client that can take it away from you. So, when you have to deal with clients in future, take it easy and with humor. At least, you’ll have stories to tell.


P.S. Have anything to add? Go ahead!


About the Author: 


Larry Milbourne is a senior freelance academic writing supervisor at – the online community of freelance academic writers from all over the world. Larry has in-depth knowledge and experience in the academic writing industry.  

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